Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Michael Bay diarrhea
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
