fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
