my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
