Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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