what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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