so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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