I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
