so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
