When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
