Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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