some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
