So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
