Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
