He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
