Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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