he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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