dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
