I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
