I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
