I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
