i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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