Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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