her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there was a trapeze. enough said
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
