Just cropdusted the office
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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