You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Say something about gay babies.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
