Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
