I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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