I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
