the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
