Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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