who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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