it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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