Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
