Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
