I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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