i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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