Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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