Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
