My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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