come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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