At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
