The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
