The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
