i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
