community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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