K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
