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If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
