Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
