my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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