so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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