I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I want to be your penis for a week.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
