I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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