the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
