just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
