I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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