Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
