ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
