Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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