i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize