I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
