now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
