Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
