A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
