i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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